Wow, it has been a while since I’ve posted! Sorry about that. For those of you who were left wondering after the last post, we actually had a remarkable thing happen at the hospital. Grace was very, very sick on my birthday – she had streaking all the way up past her elbow from the gangrene in her fingertip. However, she managed to avoid amputation of her gangrenous finger, because her regular orthopedist (who is also the hospital’s pediatric hand surgeon) was able to perform minor surgery at the bedside. Grace was laying on her bed, watching iPad, and Dr. B. cut off the “blister” of gangrene at the tip of her finger (no anesthetic or anything like that, of course) and then worked around the finger until she got all the dead tissue off. Grace did not realize it was happening until it was over – she never felt it at all. Dr. B. was also able to extract some of the serum for culturing prior to performing surgery, so they were able to get targeted antibiotics on board. It was a bumpy road but we made it through.

Something else remarkable happened when Grace was in the hospital, but it wasn’t apparent at first. Actually, it happened a couple days before Grace went to the hospital, but who’s counting.

After Grace was discharged, we visited my sister in New Mexico to celebrate Thanksgiving. I started feeling funny in New Mexico – I couldn’t finish my coffee, and noticed that alcohol was affecting me way more than usual. I had a sneaking suspicion why. The day after we got back, I took a test, and two blue lines appeared immediately – PREGNANT!

You may have guessed that I’ve wanted another baby for quite some time. The topic comes up on this blog from time to time. But I’ve been torn – although we love Gracie and wouldn’t change her for the world, having another kid with her genetic disorder would be really, REALLY hard. But it would be so nice to have another kid. I’ve always wanted a big family like the one I grew up in.

Chad was adamantly opposed to the thought of another kid for years. And who can blame him, really? This road has been a hard one, no doubt. But about two years ago, we had a mistake and thought I was pregnant. Even though it turned out to be nothing, it was enough to make Chad start thinking about the possibility of having another baby. We decided then to stop preventing pregnancy. We wouldn’t exactly “try” – we weren’t going to do a fertility calendar or anything like that, but if it happened we would accept it.

After several months of not preventing, it began to feel like we would never have another kid. I began to accept it. After all, I was getting older, and Grace and Jackson are perfect, and it might be okay to let that dream go. I began to let go of some of the baby stuff that had accumulated through the years. I began to let go of the dream.

But then, right before my 40th birthday, the miracle happened. A little life, a little light, began to grow and glow.

It’s truly miraculous, really, this little life growing inside me. I can still hardly believe it’s real. I wake up each night overnight nauseated with tremendously sore breasts and a full bladder, and I’m amazed anew at the new life in me.

We didn’t tell the kids right away. We decided early on to surprise the grandparents at Christmas, and got a picture frame with three openings to put pictures of Jackson, Grace, and the baby. We knew that if we told Grace, she would tell EVERYONE, so we had to keep it a secret from the kids, too. It was the hardest secret I’ve ever had to keep, but it was worth it to see the joy on Chad’s and my moms’ faces.

Grace and Jackson are very, very excited. The baby is due in August, and will likely be born right before Grace’s birthday. Grace keeps kissing my tummy. Jackson keeps reminding me that wherever I go, there are actually two people. They are both excited and happy. It’s the sweetest.

This little baby is such a blessing already. Our hearts are full of hope and wonder. We are all looking forward to meeting our new little person. We love her/him already. ❤