We all remember those Calgon commercials, right? About the soothing power of a bubble bath? Calgon doesn’t exist anymore—it’s officially Cal-gone. Anyway.

Gracie has had diarrhea since Friday. She’s dirtying dozens of diapers a day and barely faring better overnight. There’s no sign of what’s causing her gastric distress and no sign that it will let up any time soon, although hopefully the good probiotics will help her recover more quickly. I forgot to tell her daycare lady about it this morning and waited all day for her to call me to pick up my poopy girl, but she didn’t. I had hoped this meant Grace was starting to dry up, but no such luck.

On my way home from work I called Chad, wondering if I should pick up dog food while I was out. He told me to go ahead because Gracie was asleep—never a good sign but ever since she was hospitalized in early July she’s fallen asleep on the way home nearly every time she’s gone to daycare. Then I remembered that Gracie’s doctor called in a prescription for her diaper rash (a hazard of pooping dozens of times a day—Gracie’s poor little butt is raw) and decided to pick that up too.

Gracie was still asleep when I got home, but she woke up when she heard my voice. Chad was asleep too but instead of waking up he stretched out on the big couch for a better nap. Jackson was watching “Ninjago” and playing with Legos. Almost immediately after she woke up, Gracie started fussing about being hungry. That is a good sign—she’s barely wanted to eat anything all weekend. So, I got the kids some dinner, but before it was ready Gracie pooped and I had to change her. Then she pooped again, and she told me “It’s going to spill on the bed when you change me.” Unfortunately she was right. Ugh. But okay, no big deal, I pulled the sheets off when the kids were eating dinner and threw them in the washer, putting clean sheets on her bed. Chad slept through it.

Gracie finished eating and went to her room. Pretty soon I heard “Mom! MOM!! Come change me! MOOMMMMM!!! I peed all over the floor.” She was standing in a puddle, holding herself up on her bed and trying not to step directly in the wetness. It was then that I made the mistake of believing that she had only peed. When I pulled off her diaper liquid poop splashed everywhere—on the floor, on the blanket on the floor, on some of Gracie’s toys, and on me. On me! EEW!!! I was still wearing the pretty dress I had worn to work and the bottom was soaked with poop, as were my legs and feet. Ew ew EEW!!!

I left Gracie propped against the bed so I could start the shower—some jobs are too big for wipes. I got the shower going and rinsed off my feet and legs before going back for Gracie. I took off her clothes, gingerly carried her into the tub, and started rinsing her, leaving the poopy mess in her room for later. When she was rinsed I left her for a minute so I could change my poopy dress. I got into some clean comfy jammies and went back to the bathroom to finish washing Gracie (might as well wash her whole body—she needed a bath anyway). To my dismay, she had bumped into the shower sprayer and a stream of water was pouring over the bathroom, which was flooded. (I swear I was only gone about 30 seconds! It’s amazing how much water sprayed in that short amount of time.) While rushing to change the spray’s direction my clean jammies got soaked. So much for those clothes! I threw some towels on the floor and switched the shower to a bath.

At that moment, I was completely frazzled, frustrated, and fatigued. I belonged in a commercial from the ’80s, holding a bottle of Calgon and pleading for it to take me away. Frustrated and overwhelmed, I did the only thing I could think of—I woke up Chad. (By that time he had been sleeping on the couch for almost two hours anyway.) Luckily, he got up and came to the rescue. He bathed Gracie while I attended to the mess in her room. He gave Jackson a shower while I washed more loads of laundry. He herded the kids into the bedroom while I cleaned the kitchen. He became my Calgon.

These aren’t the shiny happy family moments that go on Facebook. These are the raw, smelly, messy, crazy moments of our day-to-day lives. But you know, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Maybe that’s why Calgon went out of business.